The first time it happens maybe you guys were arguing and in a flashlight a slap lands on your face.
You are shocked, and you try confirming from him that he actually slapped you. He is also shaken and looks into his hands to confirm what they did.
An apology comes fast to his mouth and he pleads with you to forgive him because my dear it was the devil’s doing and he will never lay a finger on you unless of course, he is caressing you.
You brush it off, because it is the first time and he is sorry, I mean how stone-hearted can you be not to forgive him!
The second time, you put too much salt in the food that he has been waiting for. And I mean this is the biggest mistake a woman he paid dowry for should do. He soaks your cloth with the food and descends on you with slaps n punches. And because your mistake is too big he also fights you tongue and nail with words like, “Good for nothing, Madam never does well.”
You tell yourself that this time it was your fault. Because you married an angel. So you go off and clean yourself up and manifest being the “perfect wife”
Soon, it is a daily routine like taking a bath. He objectifies you, he disrespects you, he abuses you but still, he is not at fault. Because you are Bob the builder and “You can fix him.” And mama raised no quitter so you can’t divorce him.
All the sarcasm and irony might create a little humor but hey, nothing is right with Domestic Violence (DV).
Infact, it is an importation from the very deepest pit of hell. It is inhuman. There is no form of love that can be shown through violence.
The very one thing I hate about D.V is how indignifying and dehumanizing it is. How did people come up with the notion that when a man beats his wife then he loves her??
Is it that narcissistic, ignorant, and sadistic people were the ones making societal rules or what?
Did the memo not get to me?
Am I missing something?
Domestic violence can be described as the domesticity of abuse within the context of the home.
It has various main elements such as Domesticity and differential control.
There are various causes of domestic violence such as:
i) Frustrations of life
ii) Drug and substance abuse
iii) Harsh economic times
v) Mental disorders
vi) Toxic masculinity
vii) Stress and others.
Estimates published by WHO indicate that globally about 1 in 3 (30%) of women worldwide have been subjected to either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.
Most of this violence is intimate partner violence. Worldwide, almost one-third (27%) of women aged 15-49 years who have been in a relationship report that they have been subjected to some form of physical and/or sexual violence by their intimate partner.
There are various international legal instruments that seek to protect women from D.V such as;
UNIVERSAL DECLARATION OF HUMAN RIGHTS
Adopted in 1948 by 58 member states of the United Nations, UDHR defines human rights as fundamental to all human beings and requires governments to take actions to protect the human rights of all beings.
CONVENTION ON THE ELIMINATION OF ALL FORMS OF DISCRIMINATION AGAINST WOMEN
Among the international human rights treaties, the Convention takes an important place in bringing women into the focus of human rights concerns. The present document spells out the meaning of equality an
and how it can be achieved.
UN DECLARATION ON THE ELIMINATION OF VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
Adopted in 1993 by the UN General Assembly, this declaration defines violence against women. As a consequence of the declaration, the Commission on Human Rights adopted Resolution 1994/45 that appointed a Special Rapporteur on violence against women.
Kenya in a bid to safeguard people against domestic violence enacted the Prohibition Against Domestic Violence Act, 2015.
The act offers recourse such as counseling and being protected from the perpetrator. But are these really enough??
So this is to all my women who have been fighting this monster silently:
It is not your fault that that man has chosen to be violent.
It is not okay that that man is projecting his frustrations and insecurities on you
You deserve to be treated with respect and shown love and care
You might want to stay where you are coz of your children or because you feel like you have nowhere to go, but of what use will you be when D.V finally renders you dead??
You are not shameful, speak out and seek help
You deserve better