DOUBT

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Doubt is everywhere in our lives. In our relationships, the work we do, and mostly in ourselves. In money, you have to be a doubtful Thomas because you do business with people and they tell you ‘nitakulipa ukimaliza kazi’ and after that you find yourself begging someone to pay you for your hard work. It is an enemy of the people and once you give in to doubt it is so hard to go back to confidence. Being doubtful does not give us fruitful results, as a matter of fact, it ruins your whole work. I have had scenarios where doubt took over my life and it was so hard to go back to being confident in myself. I have a lot of doubt in myself as a person, in the work I do, and in my life. Sometimes I can sit down and doubt if I will ever be a successful person, or if you readers love reading my articles.

I sing, I have grown up with music. There is a time I could sing in front of a thousand-plus people and I could project my voice so loud without voice breaking down or shying away from the crowd. I moved schools and went to a school that was in a rural area and I thought to myself why not share my talent, so I went up the stage and started singing for the students. They were all staring and when I finished the performance it was dead silent then people busted out laughing. I almost cried in front of everyone and I swore I would never sing in front of people again. It was the worst day of my life I started asking myself, “Why has no one told me that I couldn’t sing? Why would people listen to my bad voice?” and all those blablablas! I convinced myself that I couldn’t sing and remembered I have been singing my whole life. This is not the typical accidentally hearing your voice in a voice note or a video and start cringing, I even forgot how my voice sounded like.

It was a hard time for me because I let doubt take control of my life. Another scenario is just recently I shared my article somewhere and someone came to my inbox and started telling me I should not use my articles as a personal diary, that is should find a mentor, I have a lot of things to learn. I was so mad because this person was already in my face about how my articles should be. If the guy is reading this, I have no bad vibes with you BUT you cannot tell a person how to do what they do. If it were not for my readers who have always told me my work is nice (The support is appreciated so much), I could have caved in to those comments. I am not going to lie I have had a share of my doubts, I let my anger take over me and I was about to ‘Duck it up!’ yes duck I know you get what I mean. For those who are always doubting their choices, don’t let doubt be in your book.

Doubt is helpful when you are involved with money because ‘hapo lazima nayo ushuku tu’. Relationships in our lives are the ones that receive doubt plentiful. In your twenties do you think you should trust someone? I get it we are young and we are not perfect but you should at least give your partner the benefit of doubt. I have been in one relationship where I gave out all my heart and it was something I had never done in my life, and I ended up getting hurt like a mother duck!.…. And it was so frustrating because there was no one time that I had ever doubted the person but oh well that is just life and life is for the living. Let’s get realistic here, you can’t cut off doubt just like that it takes time to train yourself to be confident. Elsa Majimbo is one person I really look up to in terms of confidence she is someone whose confidence opened doors for her, doubt didn’t even have a chance to be in her life and that is how we should live our lives.

I will continue to use my articles as my personal space because I can do anything I please, and get used to being confident always. Let’s continue pushing doubt away from our lives. Some of you have had beautiful innovations and stopped, I don’t know what the reason may be but if it is a doubt don’t let it get the best of you.

I LOVE YOU, BY THE WAY!

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