There are times when I look at myself in the mirror, I hate myself. I hate how my teeth look, how my hair is so tiny, and how the shape of my body never seems to be how I want it to be. I hate my existence. I want to change my name because people have a hard time pronouncing it and some make fun of it. Have you ever opened your camera and your face shocked you? No? me too.
When I was in primary school, all the girls in my class had blossomed into beautiful ladies, the boys used to stare so much at them while I, on the other hand, was still flat as the road, I was so worried I always complained to my mom and she was always telling me that I should be patient. But you know what peer pressure and people making fun do to you make you want to make boobs out of the mud and plaster them on your chest. To make things worse I was an introvert so my social skills were lacking.
Boys used to make passes at me but I did not know how to read the signals, I did not know how to react, and I found myself in cases where girls would come at me wanting to fight me because of passes that I did not know how to react to myself. I wanted to grow up as soon as possible. My dad is a medic he has a library full of medical books and I started browsing, at that time I did not have a smartphone so I had to look through the books to find out why my boobs were not growing. I waited until I gave up and let nature do its work. I met a friend when I was finishing my primary studies, a friend who helped me improve my social skills which am very grateful to. When you hang out with someone a lot you tend to copy some of their behavior unconsciously. I spent most of my time in my friend’s home and I got to meet her older sister who at that time was in high school. She was so cool
She listened to rock music and she used to dress so nice, her appearance could make you not talk to her but she was a sweetheart. I wanted to be a lot like her, I started listening to rock music and dressing more like her. We had a lot in common because when we were with my friend as she was socializing I never liked to talk to people and my face scared most people. It is a habit that I have even now, most people who I meet tell me that when they first saw me they were scared to say hi, but don’t be I am a real sweetheart.
I copied what I saw in my friends because I had not loved myself. I did not learn myself, I did not know what I liked or how I wanted to look like, I wanted to hide who I was by being other people. I couldn’t see myself being involved with someone because I thought I was a boring person. My friend had no problem talking to boys, I wanted to be like her, I wanted to have boys following me like honey. I wanted a lot of things to happen to me because I did not love myself. Now that I have grown into a fine young lady, I have learned a lot of things about myself that I wish I knew earlier but learning is a process that takes place every day.
Loving yourself will help you get out of situationships that do not benefit you because you will find yourself nitpicking on things that you don’t like and that will help you notice things fast. Loving yourself helps you be more confident in yourself because if you don’t love yourself who do you think will love you? People are too busy loving themselves, that’s why you find most people are flourishing in their lives. In anything that you do remember to love yourself more so that people will love you and treat you like the King and Queen you are.
PS BUTTERFLY -CLEO SOL (Listen to the song)