OVERTHINKING IS……….

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Once upon a time, I was not an overthinker, most of you were not too. Life was great. First of what is overthinking? It is a lot of thinking, and when I mean a lot I mean a lot of thoughts, you can’t control them, they come to you like those A, B, C, D choices in exams and you have to choose which is the best choice you have to pick and settle with despite the choices. You know the feeling that you have when you do something and it bugs your mind all day or all night, you overanalyze situations, you overthink everything and anything. It is a maze of thoughts you are trying to see which answer will put your mind at ease.

Life as a kid was the most fun, you don’t have to think about anything about life, ‘kazi ilikuwa kukula, kulala, kuenda choo, kucheka, kucheza.’ Everything was positive, life was all milk and honey. You didn’t even know your brain could create multiple scenarios. Life is interesting, right? You begin to experience life and then boom you become an overthinker. But not all of us are overthinkers, but the majority of us are, the chosen few. I started overthinking when I was 17 years old, I remember it because that was my first time dating and liking someone else other than myself. It was all dandelions until a friend of mine told me you know what they say about campus boys?

No, I did not know, so I asked her what they say about campus boys. At the time I was in high school, I was still pure in heart and mind. Campus boys are not committed in relationships, it is more like long-distance relationships where if you are not there to satisfy their needs, they will go look for someone else, I never wanted to believe it because why would someone who tried so hard to be with me look for someone else? It was a mystery question which led me to do a lot of thinking, “Maybe you are not pretty enough like those girls on campus, maybe your game is down because you are not experienced like campus girls, maybe you are too stupid, maybe it’s just some lie, maybe it’s not like that and you are just overthinking”

I had to choose out of all these thoughts which one I had to settle with what my mind chose as the choice which led to mistakes that I could have avoided if only I couldn’t overthink. Eventually, I had to end the relationship and try a new one Kurudi soko sasa,’ Everything started nice until my relationship became a long-distance relationship again and you know who came to visit? “You know this song hello darkness (Overthinking) my old friend?” I found myself thinking of how my last relationship went and when he could go off without telling me I started thinking of him being somewhere cooped up with someone else and this shit happens when you are going through something.

Memes are really funny because you will find yourself relating to memes you laughed at before and they attack you in every corner of what you are going through, every meme is relating to your situation and you just feel shittier. I heard that overthinkers prepare themselves mentally and emotionally for a situation because you already saw it coming and you already cried before it even happened, it makes the person stronger. But it should not be like that because overthinking it’s not healthy for you, I would love to give solutions because I also want to stop overthinking but am learning and if you are dating an overthinker and you understand how it is for both of you because of her or his constant insecurities, try and understand them and reassure them all the time because if you don’t and you start acting funny, she will overthink. It is not something you tell a person to learn and control or stop, you should be helping them release some baggage from their minds.

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